Love, Through Baba Ijebu's Eyes

True Expressions of Love…

It had been a stressful week with projects coming to an end and a lot of work deliverables, yet not much time to achieve them; all made worse by a frustrating three hours spent in Lagos rush hour traffic on my way home yesterday... at the end of which I became a near-maniac.

Such was the stress level that I decided to leave my car at home and take a taxi to and from work for a week, to enable me to get my energy levels back up and regain my umph.

Let me introduce him to you. Baba Ijebu is the happy-go-lucky taxi driver that became an integral part of my daily rat race for my taxi-hopping week. Relaxed, unassuming, and full of tales and surprising wisdom, Baba Ijebu brings to bear his life experiences and at every point in time, relates them to what is happening, and his projections of what is to come.

Wednesday: As I sit and try to relax my charged nerves and process today's edition of Sharing Life Issues with Chaz B,  I notice that Baba Ijebu seemed to be talking back to the radio... I should have left it at that, but my curiosity got the better of me and I engaged him in a conversation about love and life; he soon went into a long-drawn discourse to make his point. (Background) the topic of discussion on the radio program was Monster In-laws and we had just listened to the story of a woman who claimed that she lost her elder sister to the antics of an evil mother-in-law…

Suddenly he turns to me as we make our way down Western Avenue, Listen, he says. Some mothers in Law are wicked, but there are also a lot of wicked wives out there o! hmm, I am still with my wife of 39 years o, he says, even after all that she did to my mother, and her obvious meanness. He tells me of how after his wife delivered their first child, his wife’s mother (as tradition dictates) quasi-moved into his matrimonial house to nurse her. He noticed how in her tired state, she woke every morning to make breakfast for her own mother and ensure that breakfast was served at 7.30am daily. 

A month later, his mother came over to spend time with the new mother (his wife), at this time, his work schedule had changed so he left for work, daily, at 6.30am; assuming all was well, coupled with the fact that in his words, he had a good woman in his mother, he never heard any complaints. On this fateful day, he rushed home at noon to pick up a parcel he had forgotten as he hurried off to work earlier that morning, and lo and behold, he sees his mother in the kitchen cooking. After exchanging pleasantries with his mum, he inquires as to when lunch would be served, to which she replies that she was making breakfast....(pause)

A few uncomfortable glances and some not-so-pleasant exchanges later, he leans that every day after he leaves for work, his wife goes to sleep and does nothing until 30 minutes before he returns home from work in the evening, as such she (his mother) had since learned to endure hunger until noon, daily so that she only gets to cook and eat one meal a day while his wife sorts herself out by sending for food for herself only. His point, not all mothers are evil, and some evil mothers are made evil by the actions and or inaction of their daughters-in-law (when no one else is watching).

He continues the story by going back a few more years (rewinding to the early years of his marriage)  and tells me how his family had insisted he marries more than one wife, but it was his mother (who was now being maltreated by his wife), who made him promise that he would not under any circumstance take a second wife. It was also his mother who stood by him when all hope seemed lost during his courtship (his wife’s mother was against the union on the basis of him not coming from a wealthy background), and when he all but gave up his quest to marry his present wife.

I am silent as the weight of his statement begins to settle upon my heart… eventually, I ask how he has coped to this point. With a crooked smile on his face, he tells me how until a few years ago, his wife beat and slapped him every time they had an argument, and how his wife always boasted to her friends that she clipped her mother-in-law's wings, as well as his wings in the house (not knowing that his mother had decided to stay away from his home so as not to be the cause of any friction within their marriage). As we approach my drop-off point, he leaves me with these parting words.

‘When people talk about marriage and bliss, they do not necessarily go hand in hand. For him, marriage was a decision he took as the next phase of his life and he entered into it with no expectations or without any hope of finding paradise in it” 

for him, the key to keeping his home intact is knowing when to shut up and take the beating like a man, knowing when to be assertive and when to be timid. Most of all he tells me, success in marriage is dependent on Love. Not the Mills and Boons love oh!... the type that endures all things.

My week spent in the company of Baba Ijebu has gotten me to a point where I have had to rethink my position on a couple of issues, including the meaning and expressions of love.

As he drives off after dropping me at my destination, I am fixated on an image in my head of him kneeling and begging for mercy as his wife whom he loves unquestionably, beats him to within an inch of his life, as his grown kids and the neighbours watch in amazement.

Indeed, love makes people do stupid things.

-end-