Mami-Eko unmasked..

If you live, work or commute in/to Lagos, you must have encountered her in one form or another, yes, the invincible Mami Eko, causer of inexplicable traffic jams.

Recently, I embarked on a spiritual journey; that is what I do when I seek answers to questions that seem to tug at my heart and for which there is no clear or logical explanation or answer within reach. As I began to chant softly get into the zone and a higher level of consciousness, I meditated upon the magical words ijebu garri and iced water,  this magic combination handed down to us by our ancestors, and which has proven time and again to possess the power to transport mere mortals to a higher spiritual plane on a hot, humid day.

As a softly chant and meditate, I am propelled into a trance and removed from myself. I begin to see the world around me, differently,  to see beyond clothes and mere flesh into the souls and inner consciousness of the people around me.

As I levitate through time and space, I find myself looking at Lagos from near-space, a bird’s eye view, or more like an alien’s eye view of Lagos, congestion, rats racing and all.

Before me I see spread out across the landscape, an endless row of cars, from Iyana Ipaja to Ikorodu road, from Third Mainland bridge to Okota Isolo, the reality was the same, traffic, bumper to bumper traffic!

As i steer through my spiritual eyes, I see her.. yes o, I see her, jumping from one congested mass of cars to the other, I see her…  with her crooked teeth, earthen-ware pot on her head and her torn wrapper draped over her mid section. I see her, no teeth in her mouth, a crooked smile on her face, and her wrinkled skin like the bark of a 100 year old iroko tree. I see her, she whom I have named Mami Eko.

As she jumps and prances, she does a magical dance which inexplicably drives and commuters alike to slow things down and gradually grind to a halt. I am amazed, they cannot see her, I say to myself, so how do they know to slow down and just for no apparent reason, drive as slow as their means of transportation can take them?

Really, you should have been there… that old woman can dance sha o, I am almost certain I saw her do the moon walk, then a back flip, then the slide, before she went into a bout of running-man still dressed in her wrapper and grinning from ear to ear like he who shall use good-luck and not common sense to solve all our problems.

I summon the courage to speak to her. In my best Fela imitation, I say to her. Behold, why do you do what you do the way you do it to affect our lives in traffic so? She stops abruptly, and for an instant, traffic seems to ease up as the cars begin to move slowly… in a very calm voice, she tells me that she just loves to dance and does not know why I am making such a fuss.

I ask her, why then do you have a pot on your head and what is in it..? To that, she looks at me like a mother looks at a child who knows not the difference between a medicinal herb and a patch of grass and says matter-of-factly “it is patience in the pot o!” I have put all your patience in this pot, and as long as I dance (which I love to do) the patience would be disturbed and you shall all become restless and impatient for no reason. It is so much fun watching all of you attempt to create 20 lanes on a road that is built for 5 lanes…

*scratching my chin* as I slowly withdraw from her as she slowly and gradually begins to dance herself into a frenzy as the congestion becomes tighter and tighter on the road. She dances on and on, as I hover forward I get to the ‘head’ of the traffic line, and not surprisingly, there is absolutely nothing in the middle ahead, in fact from that point on, traffic is amazingly free flowing.

Spent from my spiritual travel, I return to my human form and realize that I am sweating… slowly; I become conscious of where I am and what I am doing. The car-horns are blaring/ hooting as other motorists are shouting unprintable obscenities at me..

Ah, now I know where I am, in traffic on third mainland bridge where I had remained on the same spot for 45 minutes, without even the slightest movement. For some reason, there are no longer any cars in front of me, although the cars backed up behind me are now about 100 deep…

I put the car in drive and I accelerate. Ever conscious of Mami Eko and her antics, I wonder if she has made a quick dash to Ikorodu Road to do some dancing. Or perhaps, she has decided to go and pee in the spirit world. Whatever it is, I am glad to be able to continue on my journey home…

Ever wondered why you sit in traffic for endless hours and you get to the head and there is absolutely no cause for the hold up? Now you know…

End.