Please Don’t Call Me, Send a Text *angry smiley*!

Anyone who is anyone in my life must have heard these words spoken to them before, or had cause to read the words in a short and sharp text message I sent to them instead of picking up my phone to answer a call. Here is why you really cannot blame me for my actions.

For me, this is a very simple and straightforward statement that communicates how I feel about the seemingly acceptable foolish behaviour of most people who have access to mobile phones or who have had mobile phones thrust upon them.

With the advent of the mobile phone, we seem to have simply adapted our bad phone manners to align with the new culture and trend of mobile telephony which allows us all to roam the streets with our bad manners and unleash the same on unsuspecting/helpless sane folk. Believe it or not, there are commonsense-dictated rules on how to and not to use mobile phones…

Here are a few:

• The fact that you pick up your phone to call me does not make it mandatory for me to pick that call
•  Send Texts, as it helps you to articulate your thoughts rather than call to have a 5-minute directionless and valueless conversation with me
• Mobile phones have silent or quiet-mode options, use them
• When you call people, be guided by basic intelligence and be sure it is a good time for a conversation before you launch into a tirade that is important to you but is of absolutely no value to me.
•  Do not ask me why I did not return your call, except you are my significant other, or you pay my bills directly, or are family (hmm)… if not, you have a right to expect a callback, while I certainly reserve the right to not pick calls from you, or to not call you back.
• Your mobile phone is not deaf, stupid, or hard of hearing, chances are you are deaf, stupid or hard of hearing, so STOP shouting at your phone
• Mobile phones have spirits too (that’s why they get hot when you talk endlessly to/at them), take them out of your pant pockets before you fart… really!
• Always try to read peoples' moods or how busy or idle they are from their tone of voice when you call them and start a conversation; chances are that if they sound distracted and officious or busy, they are probably busy and your call is distracting them
• Since you took it upon yourself to call me, for heaven’s sake, have the common sense to speak and don’t leave me shouting hello! Hello! Hello!
•  Don’t call my line and then ask me if this is me, or if you are speaking with me... are you expecting to be speaking to your dead great-grandmother’s gay rabbit when you call my line?!
• When you call me, start the conversation by saying your name and where you are calling from. The conversation is more effective as it gives me enough information to terminate the call at that point; it also lets me know I am speaking with an informed, considerate person.
• In your smart opinion, do you think it is okay to type and drive or chat and drive when you cannot cook and drive or knit and drive?
• Mobile phones were not invented for you to have long-drawn meetings over them. They are an enabler to help you get people into the meeting for a sit-chat! So, don’t call me and on the drop of a hat expect me to leave all I have to do (which includes faffing-around and forming busy, believe it or not, that requires great skill and concentration) and expect me to just get into mobile-meeting-mode simply because you called to interrupt me?
• When you are done talking and want to end a phone conversation, how about you say goodbye or something that suggests that you are through talking?! It is quite annoying when you just terminate the call and I am left guessing as to whether or not you are still talking to me or if you have stepped out for a pee.
• If you call me, seriously, I am not saying you cannot quickly talk to someone else, but please, inform me before you suddenly start a parallel conversation with someone else (that I can clearly hear). If you really must do that, suggest a call-back or with my permission, put me on hold until you can give me the required attention, after all, no be you call me?!

So, simple rule, simple policy.. if you cannot conform, please don’t call me, send a text!

-end-